He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
