I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
