she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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