i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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