Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
