We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
