how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
