there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
