Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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