my cup is half full, half full of rum.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
