Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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