I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
