he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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