I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
