why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
