I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
