I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
