by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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