at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
