I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I deserve this hangover.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
