a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
