i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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