is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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