Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
