when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want nice things and good sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
