I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
