boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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