Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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