I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
