it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
