I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
