happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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