can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
