I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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