you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
