I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
