Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
