woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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