he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
