we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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