My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
