If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
