U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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