Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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