sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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