Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i've created a new STD.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
