dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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