I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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