he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
