I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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